Shivering with cold people were entering the not big café hastily, brushing up their coats, wet with the slight snow. They were queuing in front of the bar, sitting at the tables, speaking on their mobiles or just watching through the big windows the cars on the busy parking lot and the wet black branches of the trees, lit sometimes for a while by a cursory accidentally omitted by the fog pale sunbeam. From the TV set hanging in the corner the top hits that had been broadcast constantly on the music channels were playing quietly. Tony looked at his watch. It was exactly 2 p.m. He drank up his cappuccino and rose up.
“I am about to drop in later. If you aren’t here, see you at the office” – he said to his colleagues.
“Why in a hurry?” – Maya was surprised.
“I have a meeting.”
“What a meeting at that muddy weather!” – Assen spread his arms on the backs of the adjacent chairs.
Tony looked at them and said nothing.
“Being willing to go out, it can be only a date with some chick” – his colleague grinned at him.
“Who knows?” – Tony winked and put his leather jacket grand.
“Well, well, well,” – Maya chuckled. – “You are revealed.”
“He is an old dog.” – Assen grinned again. – “Who knows what he is doing during his lunch break while we are bibbing coffee and beer.”
“Learn, dude, learn!” – Tony chuckled.
“And you will leave us?” – Maya looked at him devilishly. – “Me, too?!”
“A faith, baby, what shall we do?” – He put his smartphone in his pocket and pushed the door.
The vapor of his mouth fused into the loose fog. He stopped for a while, inhaled the fresh air, raised his collar and started walking between the cars. He went out of the office parking, crossed the boulevard and turned down one of the alleys. He had ten minutes left and walked without any urge.
Indeed, he had a date with a woman whom he had been in a relationship for more than a year but the things had not been in ride. She had started avoiding him. He wished he had been able to understand why but that was one of the questions which he knew was in vain. He had felt it from the beginning that they would reach that point sooner or later: she was married, had a child and though having felt lonely at home, they had made it clear from the very first time they would not pass certain borders. She was not about to divorce and he would not let it happen because he knew what a divorce could be nevertheless how much he wanted her to be together. He did not want to cause that to her.
He was wandering how he had been soft on her like a schoolboy; he did not expect that he was able to feel such sensation at the age of thirty-eight, moreover that these feelings were not mutual. When – eight months since they met – he confessed it to her, she was definitive that he was a great person, that she liked him very much, that she wanted him, that she wanted to relive their nights over and over again but she was not able to reply his feelings. She and even he himself were surprised by his answer: that did not bother him. Tony just loved her and that was enough. He sometimes wandered and asked himself if he had not been going crazy but the situation was such and he did not ask questions.
The slight wet snow kept flying around but there was no wind and he was not feeling the cold. His watch pointed 14:14 (fourteen past two pm). The coincidence surprised him but he was there on time. He turned the next alley and he spotted her car twenty meters down. He was pleased that he was about to see her, despite of the compulsive feeling that a not easy conversation was waiting for him. This morning, when he had called to hear from her, she sounded even more distant than any other time.
“Hi!” – The man sat by her, slammed the door, bended and kissed her.
He knew she adored his kisses as much as he adored hers.
“You have not been in a mood those days?”
He was watching her, studying her face and enjoying every single detail.
“In contrary” – her voice was calm.
“It is not evident” – he sat back on the seat. – “What’s the matter with you?”
She stayed for a while gazing through the window.
“You know it very well, Tony. I can’t be with you as often as you want it.”
“But lately we have been dating once a month and only for a cup of coffee.”
“It doesn’t come to this.” – She tossed her head. – “You have to search for other contacts. You need them. And you need them as well as sex. I won’t and I am not able to give it to you as often as you need it. There are awesome women – I am just not able to give you what you want.”
“There are some, for sure, but I am not interested in them.”
“Look for the woman who will take my place in your heart.”
“You are an incredible person. You raised the bar too high.
“Nonsense! I am just an average woman. You see me such as you want me.”
“It is not so. I have been mainly among women both in the University and everywhere I have worked so far. I have been watching them and I am able to distinguish...”
She was suspired and again started looking through the window. The man reached out and took her palm between his hands.
“See, it happened so: I do love you and I can do nothing. You know it – I want nothing more but what we have had up to now.”
She pulled her hand and put it on her lap.
“I am sorry I cause it to you! I feel nothing, Tony! And you know it very well. Keep ahead because I’ll change nothing! You can’t stay at one place waiting for something that will never happen. What do you hope about?”
“To hope? It is hard to explain. I will miss you... so much... but...” – the man looked at her thoughtfully. – “...usually when someone is fended off, he or she feels affected and comes to hate the other one. However, you either love or you don’t and to love only because you are loved, it is not real. That’s why I do not suffer: I do love you implicitly whatever you are about to decide or do. Surely, it sounds to you womanishly but it isn’t so. I can leave you and start a big deal of adventures: there are as many women as one could wish but I don’t want it. I am the one who has chosen to do it consciously.”
It was silent. There were no passers-by; even the noise from the near boulevard did not reach them. The man took a breath.
“And even if I go on, as you say it, it will be only a fuck because of the sports. Someday maybe I will meet another woman who will impress me but it will be neither soon nor will she shift you from my heart.”
“Nobody can live alone and how the time flies. For sure, you’ll find the ideal woman for you; the one who will love you if you keep looking for her.”
The man leaned back.
“You are also right.”
They stayed silent. The rare tiny snowflakes stayed on the sweaty glass, melted and slipped down leaving hardly noticeable transparent traces.
“I have to go.” – said she. “Don’t call me anymore, please.”
“I’d like to know what is going on with you; to know that you are fine, that everything is alright but... ok. You know you can always call me.”
The man stroked her face, kissed her continuously and went out of the car. He was staying on the pavement until she left and started off to the office. He was calm. Her hazel eyes, her mischievous smile, her laughter, their conversations, their nights... he would miss her painfully but he was not sad. Contrariwise, he was grateful to the faith that he had met her and had the possibility to love a woman as her. “Be happy, girl!” – Tony smiled slightly and turned to the café.
“Well done to you, dude! You are very fast?” – Assen was mocking at him.
“I won’t hang about as you – an hour for a beer.”
“Two, we won’t incur only with one.”
“He is a veteran.” – Maya laughed and cladded herself because of the cold. – “But you avoid us too much because of secret dates.”
“What am I supposed to avoid you for?”
“I don’t know, maybe you don’t have to avoid us?” – She purred.
“And maybe that’s me who decides.” – He interrupted her and kept going to the next entrance.
“Let’s go up because it is a quarter past three.” – Assen said. – “I have so much work to do.”
Tony stopped listening to him and looked at his watch. It was really a quarter past three (15:15) as he could see at the pale glimmer of the sun. He started laughing. He knew it that one way or another, everything would be alright. He kept feeling her perfume and the taste of her lips. He was sure she would remember him. He was a lucky guy.
“Why in a hurry?” – Maya was surprised.
“I have a meeting.”
“What a meeting at that muddy weather!” – Assen spread his arms on the backs of the adjacent chairs.
Tony looked at them and said nothing.
“Being willing to go out, it can be only a date with some chick” – his colleague grinned at him.
“Who knows?” – Tony winked and put his leather jacket grand.
“Well, well, well,” – Maya chuckled. – “You are revealed.”
“He is an old dog.” – Assen grinned again. – “Who knows what he is doing during his lunch break while we are bibbing coffee and beer.”
“Learn, dude, learn!” – Tony chuckled.
“And you will leave us?” – Maya looked at him devilishly. – “Me, too?!”
“A faith, baby, what shall we do?” – He put his smartphone in his pocket and pushed the door.
The vapor of his mouth fused into the loose fog. He stopped for a while, inhaled the fresh air, raised his collar and started walking between the cars. He went out of the office parking, crossed the boulevard and turned down one of the alleys. He had ten minutes left and walked without any urge.
Indeed, he had a date with a woman whom he had been in a relationship for more than a year but the things had not been in ride. She had started avoiding him. He wished he had been able to understand why but that was one of the questions which he knew was in vain. He had felt it from the beginning that they would reach that point sooner or later: she was married, had a child and though having felt lonely at home, they had made it clear from the very first time they would not pass certain borders. She was not about to divorce and he would not let it happen because he knew what a divorce could be nevertheless how much he wanted her to be together. He did not want to cause that to her.
He was wandering how he had been soft on her like a schoolboy; he did not expect that he was able to feel such sensation at the age of thirty-eight, moreover that these feelings were not mutual. When – eight months since they met – he confessed it to her, she was definitive that he was a great person, that she liked him very much, that she wanted him, that she wanted to relive their nights over and over again but she was not able to reply his feelings. She and even he himself were surprised by his answer: that did not bother him. Tony just loved her and that was enough. He sometimes wandered and asked himself if he had not been going crazy but the situation was such and he did not ask questions.
The slight wet snow kept flying around but there was no wind and he was not feeling the cold. His watch pointed 14:14 (fourteen past two pm). The coincidence surprised him but he was there on time. He turned the next alley and he spotted her car twenty meters down. He was pleased that he was about to see her, despite of the compulsive feeling that a not easy conversation was waiting for him. This morning, when he had called to hear from her, she sounded even more distant than any other time.
“Hi!” – The man sat by her, slammed the door, bended and kissed her.
He knew she adored his kisses as much as he adored hers.
“You have not been in a mood those days?”
He was watching her, studying her face and enjoying every single detail.
“In contrary” – her voice was calm.
“It is not evident” – he sat back on the seat. – “What’s the matter with you?”
She stayed for a while gazing through the window.
“You know it very well, Tony. I can’t be with you as often as you want it.”
“But lately we have been dating once a month and only for a cup of coffee.”
“It doesn’t come to this.” – She tossed her head. – “You have to search for other contacts. You need them. And you need them as well as sex. I won’t and I am not able to give it to you as often as you need it. There are awesome women – I am just not able to give you what you want.”
“There are some, for sure, but I am not interested in them.”
“Look for the woman who will take my place in your heart.”
“You are an incredible person. You raised the bar too high.
“Nonsense! I am just an average woman. You see me such as you want me.”
“It is not so. I have been mainly among women both in the University and everywhere I have worked so far. I have been watching them and I am able to distinguish...”
She was suspired and again started looking through the window. The man reached out and took her palm between his hands.
“See, it happened so: I do love you and I can do nothing. You know it – I want nothing more but what we have had up to now.”
She pulled her hand and put it on her lap.
“I am sorry I cause it to you! I feel nothing, Tony! And you know it very well. Keep ahead because I’ll change nothing! You can’t stay at one place waiting for something that will never happen. What do you hope about?”
“To hope? It is hard to explain. I will miss you... so much... but...” – the man looked at her thoughtfully. – “...usually when someone is fended off, he or she feels affected and comes to hate the other one. However, you either love or you don’t and to love only because you are loved, it is not real. That’s why I do not suffer: I do love you implicitly whatever you are about to decide or do. Surely, it sounds to you womanishly but it isn’t so. I can leave you and start a big deal of adventures: there are as many women as one could wish but I don’t want it. I am the one who has chosen to do it consciously.”
It was silent. There were no passers-by; even the noise from the near boulevard did not reach them. The man took a breath.
“And even if I go on, as you say it, it will be only a fuck because of the sports. Someday maybe I will meet another woman who will impress me but it will be neither soon nor will she shift you from my heart.”
“Nobody can live alone and how the time flies. For sure, you’ll find the ideal woman for you; the one who will love you if you keep looking for her.”
The man leaned back.
“You are also right.”
They stayed silent. The rare tiny snowflakes stayed on the sweaty glass, melted and slipped down leaving hardly noticeable transparent traces.
“I have to go.” – said she. “Don’t call me anymore, please.”
“I’d like to know what is going on with you; to know that you are fine, that everything is alright but... ok. You know you can always call me.”
The man stroked her face, kissed her continuously and went out of the car. He was staying on the pavement until she left and started off to the office. He was calm. Her hazel eyes, her mischievous smile, her laughter, their conversations, their nights... he would miss her painfully but he was not sad. Contrariwise, he was grateful to the faith that he had met her and had the possibility to love a woman as her. “Be happy, girl!” – Tony smiled slightly and turned to the café.
“Well done to you, dude! You are very fast?” – Assen was mocking at him.
“I won’t hang about as you – an hour for a beer.”
“Two, we won’t incur only with one.”
“He is a veteran.” – Maya laughed and cladded herself because of the cold. – “But you avoid us too much because of secret dates.”
“What am I supposed to avoid you for?”
“I don’t know, maybe you don’t have to avoid us?” – She purred.
“And maybe that’s me who decides.” – He interrupted her and kept going to the next entrance.
“Let’s go up because it is a quarter past three.” – Assen said. – “I have so much work to do.”
Tony stopped listening to him and looked at his watch. It was really a quarter past three (15:15) as he could see at the pale glimmer of the sun. He started laughing. He knew it that one way or another, everything would be alright. He kept feeling her perfume and the taste of her lips. He was sure she would remember him. He was a lucky guy.
~~~~~~~~~
Translated by: Vessislava Savova
4 comments:
This is nice novel!
Far from a novel, just a short story, but I'm glad you liked it. Thank you.
It was adultery, a taboo,...a passionate encounter. But ended well. Reminds me of old lovers from long ago. Very nice read.
Yes... a kind of love that, unfortunately, I think, becomes nowadays a rarity.
Post a Comment